The Importance of Understanding Bullying
Bullying remains an ongoing issue with students in the education system. Today, with modern technology, bullying has evolved and comes in many forms. Joey Miller, APRN, CNP, Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine Provider, Holzer Health System, says, “Bullying has the potential to always be around an individual. It used to be that someone would be bullied at school, but then when they came home, they were in a safe place. Nowadays, a person’s home may not even be safe, due to the constant use of the internet and cell phones.”
What is considered bullying? Vanessa Green Allen, M.ED., NBCT, is the author of “The No More Bullying Book for Kids.” In her book, she provides an abundance of great information regarding how to handle harassment. She states that bullying is a repeated pattern of aggressive behavior where someone in a position of power intentionally seeks to hurt others physically, verbally, or emotionally. The key word in this statement is “repeated.” A situation is considered “bullying” when the hurtful actions happen repeatedly.
There are different types of bullying: physical, verbal, emotional and cyber. Physical bullying is the act of hurting someone’s body, destroying property, or taking things that belong to someone without their permission. Verbal bullying is when hurtful words are utilized to minimize someone’s self-esteem. Emotional bullying is when someone makes another person feel sad or afraid in order to get his/her way. Cyberbullying occurs electronically on the internet and includes the utilization of devices such as cell phones, tablets, and computers. Miller says, “The fact that someone can be under attack even in the confines of their home is disheartening.”
Although bullying is a repeated behavior, there are times when a child should report a single action to a trusted adult immediately. Trusted adults include parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, teachers, school counselors, principals, coaches, etc. What should be reported immediately? There are many scenarios that fall under this category, including when someone hurts you or someone else physically, threatens to hurt you or someone else, or threatens with a weapon or to use a weapon to hurt you.
Children should be reminded to ask for help when someone hurts them, threatens them, takes their belongings, destroys their property, hacks or uses their online identity, and/or uses hate speech against religion, race, gender, sexual orientation, or any part of their identity. Additionally, children should talk to a trusted adult if they start feeling physically sick and wanting to avoid school, having trouble sleeping due to worry and stress, have declining grades due to worries, and have tried standing up for themselves but the bullying continues. If you've experienced any of these signs, ask for help right away. No one should suffer alone, help is available.
Why do children bully? Allen talks about this in her book, mentioning reasons that come from many facets of life. For some bullies, it could be a learned behavior. A bully’s methods could stem from their problematic surroundings. They may see parents or siblings treat others with disrespect. They could also be victims of bullying, which prompts them to mistreat others.
Secondly, bullying may come from a need to have power and control. Many kids like to use their power to be in control of their environment. Power comes from many aspects, such as height, size, popularity, talents, material objects, and so forth. The attention that comes with being popular makes kids want to be in control.
Bullying often showcases a complete lack of empathy. Many bullies struggle with this term, because they aren’t thinking about the other person’s feelings. Bullies may have a low self-concept, which means they use bullying to give themselves an emotional boost. Other instances of bullying can come from one’s ignorance regarding differences. A bully may not be educated or understand that everyone is different and has their own problems.
Miller states, “Bullying is an unfortunate part of life that must be addressed. It’s important that we help children understand right from wrong and understand the repercussion of such hurtful activities. A broad understanding of bullying can provide a lot of benefits.”
How can you stop a bully? There isn’t one exact answer; it depends on the situation. You can stand up with certain words, like saying “no” firmly if the bully is trying to make you do something you don’t want to do. In other cases, it may help to agree with the bully, which will catch them off guard and halt the hostile momentum. It may also help to talk about an entirely different subject, which will put the focus elsewhere. If all else fails, and you feel physically threatened, alert those nearby by speaking loudly or yelling, “Leave me alone!”
Allen details other methods that may deter bullies. Actions are important, especially the ability to showcase body language and nonverbal cues. Walking away can be an option. If the bully follows you, keep walking and let them follow you straight into a helpful adult. If bullying is done through text or email, don’t respond. If the messages are threatening, show an adult!
If you have to communicate with the bully, talk with a strong voice so you are heard and understood. Walk with pride, knowing you’ve got what it takes. Looking confident is a great start, but it’s also important to feel confident. Allen says, “A bully saying a mean thing doesn’t make it true. Value yourself and know that you deserve respect. Focus on the options of support you have in your life. You have many people who care about you.”
If you find yourself in a bullying situation, always remember you are not alone. Call on trusted adults, as well as good friends, to support you when you need help. Miller says, “There is no shame in being bullied. Make sure that you reach out to people who can help you. What’s important is that the issue is addressed and swiftly taken care of. No one deserves to be bullied.”
For those who can help, show support and help with actions. Create an environment where kids who may be bullying targets can feel supported. Be respectful, show kindness and consideration, and be accepting. This all creates a positive and welcoming environment.
Joey Miller, APRN, CNP, is currently accepting new Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine patients at our Holzer Gallipolis, Jackson, Meigs, and Point Pleasant locations. For more information or to make an appointment, visit www.holzer.org or call 855-446-5937. Also, StopBullying.Gov is an online resource that provides proper assistance with bullying. You can find them online at https://www.stopbullying.gov/resources/get-help-now.
